


Who Art as the Shadow

by jesterlady



Category: Star Wars: Rebels
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Big Bang Challenge, Canonical Character Death, Character Death Fix, Childbirth, Crew as Family, Episode Related, F/M, Force Ghost Kanan Jarrus, Force Ghost(s), Movie: Star Wars: A New Hope, Movie: Star Wars: Return of the Jedi, Movie: Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back, Not Really Character Death, Post-Canon, Quote: The Force works in mysterious ways, Romance, The Force
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-15
Updated: 2018-10-15
Packaged: 2019-08-02 09:15:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,379
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16302371
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jesterlady/pseuds/jesterlady
Summary: Kanan may die on top of that fuel pod, but that doesn't mean he has to leave his family.





	Who Art as the Shadow

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own Star Wars  
> The title is from a poem by Christina Rosetti  
> A/N: I've gone all over the place here about how the Force works and how Force Ghost works. It might not be your canon. EU is not my area of expertise, but it seems to indicate FG can show themselves to anyone but they really have to make an effort to touch things. Based on the movies themselves, FG sit on things, hit people with things, and interact with the environment. As far as needing to be taught to come back...well, that's not how I'm doing it.  
> Thanks to my amazing beta, exmanhater and my artist rainglazedpaint whose amazing art can be found [here](https://rainglazedpaint.tumblr.com/image/179290594385)

Kanan had often wondered what death would be like and if it would amaze and surprise him. He spent so much time feeling and doing things that were mystical and unknown to other people that he didn’t think death could be so different than that.

It was a burst of pain and light and then…nothing. Well, not nothing or he wouldn’t have been able to give it that distinction. It was just nothing like he’d known before, not even in the Force. Yet the Force was there, still flowing through him, and he was grateful for that small comfort of familiarity.

Kanan was dead, he knew that for a fact, but he was still somehow himself…not just a part of the cosmic Force. It was then he realized that what he’d been told was somehow true, that death was not the end. But it wasn’t just as the Jedi had long taught him, but as he himself had learned by his interactions with the Force and its users. Death did not mean the death of self and will.

Because of this he began to hope that his exile to his current state was not permanent and he could still be a cause of good in the galaxy he’d come to consider under his guardianship and the people he had gathered under his care.

The first thing was to meditate on the Force so Kanan did so, giving himself to full consideration of the thing that had guided him all of his life, even when he actively ran from it.

It was not the same as when he was alive. Then he was so focused on how it moved through his physical being, touching each molecule of his body, driving his abilities and decisions. But now, the Force was simply in him, whoever he now was. In a way, he felt uniquely prepared for such contemplation. When he had been blinded by Maul, it had taken him time to learn to harness the Force in a new way and he’d had to figure it out by himself. Initially, he’d done it through desperation and need and worry for his padawan, but after that, it had been a long and arduous and painful process.

He felt grateful for the time spent then, because now he didn’t waste any trying to see the world through eyes or feel the world through hands. There was nothing physical in the Force here. Instead, he looked with his spirit and gradually a new focus and understanding came to him. He was still himself, still in the Force, but the Force was a part of death as well as life. Crossing that divide was something he could do as someone unhindered by the physical interference of material matter.

When he attempted to do so, he felt somewhat lost because he didn’t know where to cross that divide. As a Jedi he had been taught to let go and lose himself, but he didn’t think that would help him here. He needed something to hold on to, to remind him of who he was. The Force was overwhelming without a body to distract him. So Kanan focused, knowing exactly who he needed to focus on.

It was Hera, of course. He concentrated on what it felt like to love Hera, to know her, to follow her, to be with her. He couldn’t find her and felt somewhat panicked because if he couldn’t find Hera, he didn’t know if he could find anyone. Maybe because she was not Force sensitive he wouldn’t be able to reach her, but somehow, he felt the love that they’d shared was as much a part of the Force as any connection he and Ezra shared as master and padawan. He tried again.

He didn’t have the ability to reach her. Something blocked him, even if it was just his own inability to navigate the Force. He began to despair. But he wouldn’t stop trying; there was no point to anything if he didn’t try. Kanan reached out for Ezra this time, looking for the bright threads that bound them together. There was something there, something he could almost feel pulling him. Kanan moved, looking for Ezra and following the trail of something lost and confused and overwhelmed. When he found what he was looking for, he found Ezra slumped over and weary. Kanan felt the waves of grief coming from him and felt immediate guilt over it.

But there was something else there, several somethings in fact. Kanan realized quickly it was the lothwolves, wolves he could see now were barely physical since they were so full of the Force. They were aware of him, he found. Ezra clearly was not. The small beginnings of a plan formed in Kanan’s mind and he attempted to reach the wolves. They were receptive though he was not overly pleased of the way they terrorized Ezra to get him to where Kanan needed him to be, to where the leader of the wolves waited.

Kanan would have been taken aback if he had seen this wolf in life; it was larger than any wolf should be, larger than his pack by as much as his pack were larger than normal wolves. But the wolf appeared to be waiting for Kanan specifically and Kanan allowed his will to rest on the animal. Something of a physical sense once again entered into who Kanan was and he could think more clearly. 

He began to see patterns in the Force, in the planet of Lothal, and in the fate of the galaxy. He could sense the unease in the wolves regarding a dark matter concerning Lothal and he focused his attention there, realizing the danger the Jedi temple was in almost immediately.

When Ezra came to Kanan, he didn’t try to reveal himself other than to give his name. Ezra was badly in need of focus and direction and Kanan couldn’t do that in this form. At least not yet. So Kanan helped him know where to go and hoped to be able to speak to him more clearly at a later point, to reassure Ezra that he hadn’t been left alone.

When Ezra woke up and started to make his way back to the base, Kanan had more choices to make. He left the wolf and got used to the lack of physicality again. It was less disorienting this time. He was happy with what he’d been able to do, but he wanted more. He wanted to connect with someone else. Kanan let himself open up to the Force again, feeling the patterns he had just learned on Lothal wash over him. He tried again to find Hera.

This time there was a faint connection and the glimmers of a path began to make sense to him. He followed the tendrils of her love and something happened: he could see her. He could see her with actual eyes that had nothing to do with physical sight. He somehow knew he was where she was. She was hurting, grieving, lost in indecision and worry. She was crouched down on the ground, Zeb near her, and they were trying to figure out what to do. Kanan still didn’t know how to make himself known but he tried anyway. 

She closed her eyes and he reached out, discovering that as he did so, he had given a form to himself, the form of the man she had met, the man who finally was able to live because of her guidance, eyes clear and unclouded. He put his ghostly hand on her shoulder, comforting her as he could. Her hand touched his on her shoulder and he knew she could somehow feel his presence. He poured his eternal love for her into that presence, but it did not last forever.

***

Kanan could sense Ezra as he worked the problem of the painting and knew that his padawan would need him so he withdrew from Hera, as hard as that was to do. He watched Ezra open the door and dive through. He trusted Hera and Zeb would protect Sabine and followed. Followed was a loose term because Kanan was quickly realizing that distance didn’t mean anything to the Force. He knew where Ezra was, so he went there, too.

The world Ezra found himself walking in was now almost normal to Kanan, but he could tell Ezra was slightly overwhelmed, the many voices of those past and future to him, but always present in the Force, echoing around him. Kanan wasn’t sure what was going to happen in this world between worlds, but he knew that Ezra would likely want guidance and he was determined to give it or lead him to it.

Kanan felt something in this place, some task to be done. He realized what it would be when he saw the bird flying and instinctively knew this bird was the spirit guide of a mighty user in the light side of the Force. It was also a bird he had seen constantly in the presence of Ahsoka when she had been alive. With a new understanding, Kanan saw that death and life happened simultaneously in this place and each portal was a way to interact with all of time. Kanan did not need the portals to see and he knew what he hoped Ezra would do.

Indeed Ezra did it, freeing Ahsoka from the ruins of the Sith temple on Malachor and jerking her into this world. If Kanan could not yet guide his padawan himself, Ahsoka was the person he would trust to do it. Because Ezra was raw with grief and still young and Kanan didn’t know if alone Ezra could summon the strength to let go of Kanan in life.

He watched Ezra watch him die and he felt renewed sadness at leaving him, wishing he’d managed it better, that it didn’t have to be. He could still be Ezra’s mentor now, but he had to figure out how first. He focused and gave himself again the form he had been to Hera and he hoped that since Ezra was strong with the Force he would see him, since Kanan was still new at this.

“Well done,” he said.

Ezra’s head snapped up and Ahsoka’s eyes widened.

“But, I-I don’t understand,” said Ezra.

“Hey, I don’t get it myself,” said Kanan.

“Kanan?” Ezra asked hopefully.

“It’s me,” said Kanan. “Are you okay?”

“Not really,” said Ezra. “I just watched you die…again.”

“I know and I’m sorry,” said Kanan. “But I don’t regret saving you.”

“I should have helped,” Ezra said. “Together we could have-”

“Regretting the past isn’t the way to shape the future,” Kanan said.

“I guess dying really does make you talk like that,” said Ahsoka, eyeing him ruefully.

Kanan couldn’t help but laugh.

“You might know more than me,” he said.

“Only rumors and legend,” she answered. “But I feel you are Kanan Jarrus, so I’m going on faith here.”

“Aren’t we all?” he answered.

“So, are you back?” asked Ezra. “You’re not alive.”

“No, not alive,” said Kanan cheerfully, “but I don’t see why death has to get in the way of anything.”

“But will you still be with us when, when we leave?” Ezra asked.

“I hope so,” said Kanan. “I’m still getting the hang of this. I could only reach you through the lothwolves before.”

He stiffened, sensing something wrong, something Dark.

“Maybe because this place is timeless in the Force,” Ahsoka surmised.

“Probably helping,” Kanan agreed. “But right now, you two have to get out of here.”

“What’s the matter?” asked Ezra.

A cackling laughter answered him and Kanan felt cold darkness slither through the Force.

He couldn’t protect them, not from this.

“Run,” he told them.

Ahsoka held back the cold fire of the Emperor and saved Ezra when he fell and Kanan was infinitely grateful to her.

He watched as Ahsoka and Ezra both made it through their respective portals, back to the physical world and felt that he now had time, a little time, to figure out precisely how to be present.

“A pity you came back, Kanan Jarrus,” the Emperor said and Kanan would have shuddered if he had been alive. 

The truth was, death brought much clarity and while he was still as much himself as he had ever been, it was incredibly freeing to not have to try and avoid death. It caused a certain sort of courage to rise up within him.

He faced the source of all the evil of the Empire and was not afraid as he might have been once. He knew there was still much the Emperor could do, but Kanan would never run away again. If he ran, it would be toward something.

“Pity definitely had something to do with it,” he said and resolved to leave and therefore did.

Kanan watched Ezra and Hera as they stood over the now departed Jedi temple. The lothwolves were running in the distance and Hera once again touched Kanan’s hand on her shoulder.

“I can still feel him, you know,” Hera told Ezra sadly.

“I know,” said Ezra, looking hopefully to where the wolves were vanishing into the horizon.

Kanan couldn’t answer him then, but it didn’t matter. He would soon.

***

Kanan watched over the team as they found their way back to the Rebel base and once they were there, knew he had to make himself known in the physical world. He let his concern for them fall into the Force and gave himself his body in form, this time easier than the previous times he’d done so.

They were debriefing Ryder and the others and Ezra was putting a plan together, but Kanan could see him continuously looking over his shoulder as if he expected Kanan to pop out at any moment. Kanan didn’t think now was the right time; besides, he wanted to talk to Hera alone. He ached to talk to Hera alone.

While he waited Kanan thought about what he was going to do. He suddenly had tasks and plans, something that was slightly alien now that he was dead. However, his role of being an influence in the galaxy was not ended. He thought of Ahsoka and knew that he needed to try and find her now that he knew she was alive. He still didn’t trust his new abilities within the Force to leave his family just yet, but she was very high on his list of priorities once he felt slightly more stable in what he could do.

Eventually the team disbanded, moving to the separate corners of the base and the crawler. Kanan made sure Ezra was talking with Sabine and Zeb before he followed Hera into the inner cave where she immediately went to her kalikori and picked it up, her fingers moving idly over the etching he saw now carried a symbol he knew was meant for him. He felt overwhelmed at the gesture and resolved he would make himself known to her no matter what.

Chopper was fidgeting with something right outside the cave entrance and Kanan figured that was a good sign, knowing Chopper would consider it his sworn duty to keep anyone from bothering Hera. He would have the time he needed.

So Kanan let his love for Hera fill his being and his connection to the Force and practically shoved that to her with everything he had within him. At first there was nothing, but after a minute she gasped slightly and said his name, but he could tell she only felt him, she did not see him.

“Hera,” he said, reaching out for her with ghostly fingers.

“Kanan?” she spoke again, sounding confused more than anything.

“I’m here,” he answered.

“Where are you?” she asked, looking around. He could tell the exact moment she saw him and the spectral version of him he projected for her. “Kanan!”

He smiled at her lopsidedly.

“You didn’t think just because I was dead, I was going to leave you, did you?”

She stared at him for a moment or two, her mouth open, and then she launched herself toward him. He met her halfway, unsure if she would go right through him, but he wanted to hold her more than he’d wanted anything.

She didn’t feel solid and he feared their touch was temporary, but he still got to hold her for a moment.

“You giant idiot,” she said finally. “I love you so much.”

“Hey! And I love you, too,” he said.

“How are you here?” she asked, moving back to look at him, tears on her face.

“The Force?” he said almost like a question. 

“So you’re still dead,” she said, “your eyes are back.”

“This is my ideal look, I guess,” he said.

“Thank goodness your hair isn’t mangled,” she said, sniffling.

He laughed and reached out to touch her face, but his hands didn’t make contact this time.

“Guess that didn’t last,” he murmured.

She put out a hand toward him.

“Don’t leave me again,” she said.

“I’m not going anywhere,” he said. “You know, unless I have to go somewhere. But I’ll be back.”

“Can you please stop being ridiculous and explain this to me?” she asked, sounding much more like her old self.

“I don’t really understand it myself,” he said. “This is just the next step for me in the Force. I’m lucky because it means I get to be with you. I just…well, I’m still getting the hang of it, so bear with me.”

“I guess I can do that,” she said and smiled at him. “Does Ezra know you’re back?”

“Yeah,” said Kanan. “I couldn’t reach you at first so I tried him and I spoke with him and Ahsoka when they were inside the temple.”

“The little ingrate,” she said fondly. “He didn’t say anything.”

“He probably didn’t want to get your hopes up,” said Kanan. “I wasn’t so sure this could work outside of that place myself. Plus, we were interrupted.”

“So what next?” she asked.

“Um…I don’t know,” he said sheepishly.

“So much for the omnipotence of the Jedi,” said Hera, laughing.

“Hey, we already knew that,” Kanan replied, then grew serious. “It’s good to see you laugh. It’s good to see you.”

“I missed your eyes,” she admitted, stepping closer. “I knew you were still you, but they were beautiful eyes and I missed the way they would follow me around, watching over me.”

“You don’t have to explain,” he said. “I missed them, too. But I really missed them when I wanted to remember how beautiful you are.”

She smiled.

“Thank you for coming back,” she said, “but I still wish I could hit you for going away.”

“I know,” he said. “But I can’t do anything about that.”

“You could go solid again,” she suggested.

“If I go solid again, it’s going to be to kiss you,” he said.

“I guess I can handle that,” she replied.

“Me too,” he said, but he wasn’t really sure he could deliver on that right now.

“We should tell the others you’re here,” said Hera. “As much as I want to keep you all to myself, that wouldn’t be fair to them.”

“I’m not sure Sabine and Zeb will be able to see me,” Kanan said. “They aren’t particularly Force sensitive.”

“Neither am I,” Hera pointed out.

“Well, we all are to some extent,” Kanan said. “Besides, I think you are more than you know. Do you know how extraordinary your reflexes are? I’ve suspected for years you were able to latently tap into the Force when you’re flying.”

“So that’s why I can see you?” she asked.

“Well, among other things,” he said. “The Force is in every living thing and every connection. The connection we share…” He self-consciously rubbed the side of his head, “…well, I think it’s pretty powerful.”

“I would agree,” she said. “I’m sorry I couldn’t admit that.” She looked down. “I always felt it, Kanan. I’ve loved you for a long time.”

“I know,” said Kanan. “Even when I was frustrated, I still knew that. Sometimes I didn’t let myself believe it, but everything you did told me even when you couldn’t say it.”

“We should’ve been together a long time ago,” said Hera.

“Hera, we were together,” he said. “You can’t do the things we did or go through what we did without being together. It just didn’t have a label until now.”

“True,” she admitted.

“I mean, I can’t count the number of times the kids called us an old married couple or something like that,” Kanan said.

“I didn’t really let myself hear stuff like that,” she said.

“So that’s why I’m the one who heard it all the time,” he said, smirking at her.

“Kids say to dad what mom won’t hear?” she suggested.

“Something like that,” he replied.

“So we should still tell them,” Hera said, returning to the original point.

“I want to,” he said, “but I don’t want them to feel bad if they can’t see me.”

“Well, there’s no way Ezra and I could keep something like this from them,” said Hera.

“I wasn’t suggesting you should,” he said, putting his hands out defensively. “Tomorrow morning we should try. It’s going to get a little hard for moments like this soon. It’s time for Lothal to be free and we’re all going to be very busy.”

“True,” she acknowledged. “So, going to stay with me all night?” she asked, sitting down on a small pallet in the corner.

It was the same pallet he’d laid out for himself when the wolves had led them here. The one he’d laid awake all night long the night before they went to rescue her. 

“Certainly not going to quit that habit now,” he said, following her and lying down beside her.

“I can’t really feel you’re here,” she said, after a moment.

“I’ll get better,” he said.

“I’m sure you will,” she said, half laughing.

“I’m sure you’re tired,” he said. “You should get some sleep.”

“I just want to look at you for a bit,” she said, shifting to face him.

“I wouldn’t mind that myself,” he whispered.

Hera fell asleep not long afterwards and Kanan kept watch over her through the night, marveling at the way he could still be connected to her. Her chest rose and fell with her breaths and he counted them as he meditated in the Force, figuring out what came next and how he could still continue to be a contributing member of their family.

***

The morning was clear and cold and Kanan spared a quick thought to wanting to feel the wind on his face. The feeling passed quickly and he guessed he would rather have his sight than the ability to feel the wind. Not that either of those things mattered much. During his long night he felt more confident in what he could do with the Force now, though he still felt he had much to learn.

Hera stirred in her sleep and Kanan put one hand close to her face, but he didn’t try to touch her.

“Kanan,” she murmured and then suddenly shot upright. “Kanan!” she called out anxiously.

“Right here,” he said, laughing a little.

“I thought it might have been a dream,” she admitted, smiling.

“Nope, you’re stuck with me,” he said.

“I guess I’ll have to make do,” she replied, stretching, and he enjoyed the sight before Chopper came whizzing into the cavern. “Slow down, Chop,” said Hera. “I’m just talking…” and she paused, looking at Kanan.

“To me, Chop,” said Kanan, addressing the droid, but he wasn’t surprised when Chopper didn’t register he was there.

The droid made an incredulous beeping noise.

“No, I’m not crazy,” said Hera, fondly patting Chopper’s casing. “At least, I don’t think so. Can you get the others and ask them to come in here, please?”

Chopper chortled an affirmative and raced out.

“I guess we’ll see what happens next,” said Kanan.

“Yeah, I’ll really get to check on my sanity,” she replied, smiling.

“What is going on?” Zeb asked grouchily as he lumbered into the cave, Ezra and Sabine following. “Chopper is jabbering away about something-”

“Kanan!” cried Ezra happily. “You really are here!”

“Yeah, of course I am,” Kanan said, grinning at him.

“Uh, what are you talking about?” asked Sabine.

“Yeah, are you okay, kid?” asked Zeb.

Hera and Kanan exchanged glances.

“Well, I guess that answers that question,” Hera replied.

“Give me time,” said Kanan. “In the meantime, well, at least you two can see me.”

“What question?” asked Sabine, sounding worried.

“Kanan is standing right there with Hera,” said Ezra. “He’s dead, I think, but he’s kind of blue, and, well, he talked to me in the temple and now he’s here.”

“What?” asked Zeb.

“Kanan is here,” Hera confirmed. “We hoped you would be able to see him, but he didn’t think you’d be able to since you aren’t Force sensitive.”

“What and you are?” asked Zeb sarcastically.

“If anybody’s connected in the Force it’s the two of them,” Ezra said, and Kanan could practically see the burden lifting off him.

He didn’t want to have to disillusion Ezra, but even with Kanan there, well, Ezra still had a lot to do. But he could help and he would do everything he could.

“Are you telling me Kanan is actually here?” Sabine said, tears in her voice.

“Tell her I said she better not try to hug me,” said Kanan.

Ezra repeated his words and Sabine gave a little choked cry.

“I can’t believe it,” she said.

“Well, I still don’t,” said Zeb, looking uncomfortable and worried.

“Better tell Zeb that if he doesn’t believe it, he probably won’t mind if I share the story about the smuggling run we did with those Togruta twins right after he joined the crew,” Kanan said smugly, folding his arms.

Hera shot him a look and he sheepishly unfolded them.

“I’m not sure why he thought this was a great idea, but I guess there’s some kind of a story about the Togruta sisters we hired that one time,” Hera said sternly.

Zeb’s eyes widened.

“How would you kn- Kanan, Kanan is here?” Zeb said, looking wildly around.

“Yes, he’s here,” said Ezra. “Oh, I’m so glad to see you. We have to plan what’s next.”

“And we will,” said Kanan. “But after what I heard last night, I think you got this, Ezra. Your plan is insane and solid all at the same time.”

“That’s me,” said Ezra, sounding a little embarrassed.

“This whole hearing only one side of the conversation thing is very annoying,” said Sabine.

“Right,” said Hera. “Well, um, I guess we should go meet with Ryder and the others.”

“I don’t believe this,” said Zeb. He swallowed and then looked in the wrong direction from where Kanan was standing. “Uh, well, I’m glad you’re back, mate.”

“Me too,” said Sabine in a small voice. “Don’t do that again, okay?”

“I won’t be leaving any of you again,” said Kanan. “I promise.”

Hera repeated his words softly and Kanan found the ability to reach down and clutch her hand for one brief moment.

She smiled at him and followed the others out.

***

They didn’t try to tell Ryder or any of the others that Kanan was back. It wouldn’t have made sense to them and they wouldn’t see him so Kanan made himself quiet during the planning. It was rather amusing watching Zeb strain his eyes trying to see him though. On the whole Ezra’s plan was solid and Kanan didn’t really know what he could add to it. When the time came for Hera to leave to do her part, Kanan went with her.

He stood with Ezra for a moment or two while Hera got her things together.

“I know why you’re going with her,” Ezra said, rubbing his hair, “but I kind of wish you were staying here. I mean, what if I mess this up?”

“You’re going to be fine,” said Kanan. “I know you’re still learning and I know none of this has been fair to you, but you’re ready. These are your people and I think only you really know how to free them.”

“I wish I had your confidence,” said Ezra.

Kanan smiled at him.

“You’ll have it when you need it. I’m proud of you, Ezra.”

“Thanks,” Ezra said quietly. “You’ll come back though, right?”

“That’s the plan,” Kanan said, mustering his ability to put a hand on Ezra’s shoulder. “Trust in the Force and whatever path you take will be the right one.”

“Yes, master,” said Ezra, a small smile beginning on his face. “I guess I don’t have to say may the Force be with you now.”

Kanan chuckled.

“Maybe not, but may the Force be with you.”

Kanan turned and headed to Hera who, having already made her goodbyes, was ready to leave.

“Ready?” she asked him. “At least since no one else can see you, this will be like sneaking one person off the planet, not two.”

“Glad to be of service,” he said, winking at her.

***

Sneaking off Lothal took a long time but it was so much like old times that Kanan enjoyed it tremendously. He liked watching Hera be competent and covert and while he still worried about her, it went smoothly enough and they were soon on a stolen transport and she was signaling Rex and Kallus.

After that there wasn’t much to do but enjoy the sight of blue as the ship traveled through hyperspace.

Hera leaned back in her chair and swiveled it to look at Kanan as he sat in the other one. For some reason inorganic matter was a lot easier for him to touch, but he wasn’t complaining.

“Hopefully, Rex and Kallus can signal Hondo and the others and we’ll be able to gather everyone quickly,” she said. “I don’t like that so much of this plan has us separated.”

“They’re going to be fine,” said Kanan reassuringly.

“I know it’s naïve of me,” said Hera, putting her hand on her stomach, “but even when we were fighting for our lives, it was very easy to think we were all going to make it. We all did for so long. Until you.”

“Sorry to break the pattern,” he said gently. “It’s not what I wanted, but what I felt I had to do.”

“See, that doesn’t make sense to me,” she admitted. “Ezra told me it seemed like you expected to die. Why wouldn’t you at least try to live…for us?”

Her voice was more broken than he ever wanted to hear it and he didn’t have the right words to reply to it.

“I know you would give your life for any of your crew,” Kanan said finally. “So would I. I wanted you to live, even if that meant I couldn’t live with you.”

“I wasn’t exactly myself at the time,” she said, “but I still think there was another way.”

“Maybe,” he said. “I admit I wasn’t thinking extremely clearly myself. I was feeling my way in the Force and my gut instinct was to save all of you. I’m not sorry for that, just sorry for the grief I put you through.”

“I know,” she said, smiling slightly at him. “I guess it could be worse.”

“As far as deaths go, I’m having a pretty lively one,” he joked.

“You’re impossible,” she said fondly.

“But I’m all yours,” he said seriously. “I know I don’t have the right to ask you, but, Hera, I’m never going to leave you. I don’t think I could. Does that…can you live with that?”

“Kanan, I thought I’d lost you,” she replied. “I thought I’d never have you again. And through my own stupidity I’d never get the chance to really live the way I felt, so forever? Forever sounds perfect to me.”

He couldn’t help grinning at her. He felt the Force thrumming with their connection every time she told him she loved him and he didn’t think he’d ever get enough of it.

“Good,” he said simply and leaned forward, making himself solid enough to kiss her.

It didn’t feel the same way it did when he was alive. Instead of his blood pumping and his hormones jumping, he felt the Force and he felt her love and it was just as thrilling.

“I’m glad you can still do that,” she said, pulling back.

“Maybe one day more,” he said, smirking at her.

She rolled her eyes at him and felt her stomach again.

“I’ll be back,” she said and he watched her as she entered the refresher.

Closing his eyes was a habit, but it still felt natural to do as he reached out with his senses. He could feel Hera and an excitement in her, but he stretched out beyond that to around the ship, then back to Lothal. Ezra was a bright star at the corner of his reach and Kanan allowed himself to withdraw from that sense, to bring his attention back to the here and now, since he was sure they were all still safe. When he opened his eyes again, he sensed more time had passed than he had been aware of.

Hera exited the refresher and made her way back to him, her eyes suspiciously wet.

“What’s wrong?” he asked her, frowning.

“Well, I got some news,” Hera said, sitting down and leaning forward. “Something I suspected for a bit, but just now confirmed.”

He cast his senses over her and then sat dumbfounded for a moment. He didn’t know why he hadn’t seen it before. The Force was alive and thriving and practically pulsating within Hera. It wasn’t just her own connection, her own luminescence as a sentient being; now there was someone else contributing to the Force within her.

“You’re-” he started to say.

“I’m pregnant,” she said, beaming at him.

There was a real baby growing inside of her and he couldn’t quite wrap his head around it.

“I know…” he finally said stupidly. “I can feel it.”

“You can?” she repeated. “I guess that’s not surprising.”

He moved forward and paid more attention to what he could see.

“I can,” he confirmed. “And it’s beautiful.”

“You’re not worried?” she asked. “I admit, I’m a little worried.”

“Well, the timing could have been better,” he said, “but it could also have been worse. After all, it might never have happened at all if…”

She smiled quickly at him.

“After you…after we got back to the base,” Hera amended, “I got checked out since the probe had…” He nodded, surprising himself with how upset he could still get at someone hurting her. “We didn’t have the best equipment, but I’d been feeling, well, feeling off. There were some strange readings that I wasn’t sure about, but we were so busy with the temple and I was so upset, I didn’t pursue it. But I wondered and today I thought we could find out together.”

“And it’s real,” he said softly.

“And you’re here,” she said, her voice laden with tears.

“I promise, I’m here,” he said. “And I can’t wait.”

“I think I could stand to put it off a little bit,” she said. “But that could be the blinding pain part.”

“I know our genetics match up,” he said, “but you need to get checked out by a professional soon.”

“I know,” she said, “and I will.”

“But I have a feeling,” he said, sensing his son’s energy through the Force, so small but so vibrant, “that he’s going to be just fine.”

“He?” she queried, raising an eyebrow.

“He,” Kanan confirmed.

“I guess that narrows down the name choices,” she said, smiling.

“Gotta make it easier somewhere,” he said. He put his hand out to her and held hers. “I already know what an amazing mother you are, Hera. You’ve got this.”

“We’ve got this,” she reminded him, squeezing his hand.

“We’ve got this,” he repeated back to her.

***

It had been amusing during the trip back in the Ghost watching Hera look like a crazy person talking to him with Rex and Kallus looking alarmed. Hondo had claimed right away he could see Kanan and spoke to him at all times, including him in every remark. He was usually talking to a wall, but Kanan thought that was the best part.

He tried to stay out of the way and not distract Hera when she was trying to coordinate and keep everyone convinced she was sane. He had enough to think about and he kept stretching his senses out to Lothal. He sensed something was happening there, something with Ezra and his plans. Kanan wasn’t sure what it was, but he wasn’t worried enough about it to leave Hera to check. Ezra was going to be fine and he had Sabine and Zeb with him.

Kanan had to admit that even though he was still there, there were now limits to how he could help Ezra, even as other possibilities opened up to him. But one of the only reasons he’d felt so sure about laying down his life was that he was confident in his family’s ability to survive without him, to be the amazing people he’d watch them grow into being. He was going to trust Ezra and trust the Force and concentrate on where he was. He would let the others of his family make their choices and concentrate his own on where he was truly needed.

Because he had new life to think about. He knew that he grinned whenever he thought of their son, he couldn’t help it. He and Hera had created a life together and that was something he’d kept himself from dreaming of. To have it happen was beyond his wildest hopes, though he had the slightest worry that being as he now was would keep him from being a good father. Maintaining his form was easier and easier and so he resolved to stay that way if he could. But he would need to grow into interacting with the physical world around him and hopefully his son would not need that to know how much Kanan cared for him.

They needed to get beyond their present circumstances first so Kanan put all thoughts of the future away. He was present, present in the Force. It was somehow easier and harder to do now. He was a presence now, a watcher. And that was what he did.

He watched Hera break through the blockade and watched her defeat Pryce’s forces. He watched Ezra command the wolves and defeat the bounty hunter. He watched Zeb and Sabine fight and win. He was proud and he didn’t feel the need to intervene. They had this and he didn’t need to protect them anymore.

He watched Ezra’s plan unfold as they took the dome and he watched it disintegrate as Thrawn arrived. He watched Ezra stare at Sabine and then turn in his direction before jumping into the vent. He watched Sabine and Hera strategize and beat the Empire at its own game. He watched Zeb risk his life to put the plan into motion.

He felt Ezra’s extreme sorrow and indecision and watched without interfering as Ezra turned down the most powerful man in the galaxy and defeated his own failings and fought, without his weapons or his Master, to capture the man who had plagued them all for two years.

When they were at the breaking point, when Thrawn’s ships appeared to prevail, Kanan heard the call of the purrgill and smiled. 

Hera looked at Kanan and he looked back at her and answered the mute plea in her face. She was trusting Ezra, too, but she couldn’t feel what Kanan felt.

He nodded to her and vanished from her sight, but he was on the bridge of Thrawn’s Destroyer and he watched Ezra hold both sides at bay.

He was there when Sabine told Ezra to leave and he was there when Ezra said he couldn’t. Ezra looked Kanan straight in the eye and spoke his final words.

“It’s up to all of you now. And remember,” Kanan spoke the words to Ezra, along with Ezra, and felt the pure thrill of the Force as it resonated with the path Ezra was taking, “the Force will be with you always.”

Kanan bowed his head to Ezra and Ezra nodded in return. Then Kanan returned to Hera and the others and Ezra vanished in the Destroyer.

He did not interfere as Sabine and the others executed the plan, but he took the opportunity to find his way to Governor Pryce’s office and once he found it, summoned the will to carry his lightsaber back to the Ghost, leaving with everyone else.

And then Lothal was free.

***

They flew over the world of Lothal and the people below them cheered. Kanan stared in awe at the people he’d watched beaten down and oppressed for years finally stand up for themselves and win their own planet back from the hands of the Empire. This was something he had contributed to, something his family had brought about, but ultimately something Lothal itself chose. There was nothing more gratifying.

Hera settled the Ghost outside of town, away from all of the chaos, and they finally all looked at each other and realized that this was over.

Not the war, not yet, but for the moment, this was over.

“I could sleep for three weeks straight,” Zeb said, stretching.

“I’m not even tired,” Kanan joked, expecting nothing but Hera to roll her eyes at him.

Instead Zeb jumped three feet in the air and banged his head on the top of the ship.

“Karabast!” Zeb said. “Why’d you do that?”

“Hey, you can see me!” Kanan said happily.

“I can see you, too!” Sabine said excitedly.

Kallus and Rex were looking at them like they were crazy, but Kanan didn’t mind that. He was too busy grinning.

“I’m really getting the hang of this,” he said proudly.

Hera smiled fondly before getting up and moving toward him, putting her hand out as if she meant to touch him but wasn’t sure it would work.

“And now that you are,” she said. “You have to go and find him.”

Kanan nodded, knowing she would ask him this.

“You know, it seems like the kid found his own path,” he offered. “I don’t want him to think we don’t trust him.”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” said Hera. “Of course we trust him. Now we want him to come home. You heard his message; he can’t wait until he comes home. The sooner we know where he is, the sooner he can do that. If you think for one second I’m leaving one of my kids out there without trying to find him, you’re insane!”

Kanan tried to suppress his smile, but he couldn’t. He expected no less from her and the reaction was, as always, inspired.

“Of course I’m going to look for him,” Kanan said reasonably. “Just…don’t expect too much. I can tell he’s got something he needs to do.”

“You’re so much more irritating now that you’re dead,” Sabine commented. “Go get Ezra already!”

Kanan winked at her and turned back to Hera, reaching out and happily putting his hands on her shoulders.

“It might take me a while,” he said. “And I’m still learning.”

“I’ll try to be patient,” she said. “Just, come back to me, love.”

“That’s inevitable,” he said.

He focused on Ezra, on his bright padawan and their connection. There wasn’t anything physical he could find, but he had so much more knowledge of the Force at his disposal now. He reached and eventually felt the edges of possibility.

He did not find Ezra, but he sensed he was where Ezra had been, so he tried again. There, just out of reach of his senses. Kanan followed that but again, no Ezra.

He did this several times, mostly amused at the way the Force led him, almost as if it was stretching him, showing him his new world and what he could do.

Finally he did land in a place that when he reached out, he found who he was looking for.

Ezra was there, straightening up from binding some troopers next to an already bound Thrawn. They were on the bridge of the crashed Destroyer. Kanan had absolutely no idea where in the galaxy they were. He listened but while the Force knew this place as it knew all places, Kanan did not.

“Let me guess,” Ezra said wryly, “Hera sent you.”

“Smart guess,” Kanan said. “So, how’s it going?”

“Well, I have no clue where I am and I haven’t made any new friends,” said Ezra, gesturing to his captives.

Kanan had to laugh at the sight of Thrawn narrowing his eyes at Ezra apparently talking to thin air.

“That sounds like you,” Kanan said. “What’s your next move?”

“Well, so far we’re all who have survived,” Ezra said. “We took at least a day to get here. The sensors show life on the planet, but are too damaged for me to get a good reading. The purrgill are gone. I’ve gathered some supplies and need to figure out where I am.”

“Want an advance scout?” Kanan asked, inwardly extremely impressed at how Ezra was handling himself.

“You know, that might not be a bad idea,” said Ezra.

“I have to ask, who do you think you’re talking with?” Thrawn asked from behind Ezra.

Kanan laughed as he went to try to figure out where they were.

The planet was small and Kanan quickly found the nearest and largest city. Their star charts were strange and even with the Force, Kanan couldn’t figure out where they corresponded to in his own realm of knowledge. After a lot of searching, he realized that there wasn’t much he could do other than give Ezra bad news.

He returned to the end of an argument between Ezra and Thrawn and was satisfied to see Thrawn sink into a calculated silence, but a silence nonetheless.

“So?” Ezra asked.

“Bad news, kid. You’re in the Uncharted Territories. You can get a ship, but even with hyperspace, it’s going to take a really long time to get back.”

“That sounds about right,” said Ezra and he sounded half-resigned, half-expectant.

“Something tells me this is what you thought would happen,” Kanan said.

“Like I said,” Ezra said, shrugging. “There is something I have to see through.”

“We can try and meet you,” said Kanan. “On my way back I can try and plot a course. Not sure if that will work, but I can try.”

“Don’t leave any work unfinished on my behalf,” said Ezra, smiling sadly. “The Empire isn’t beaten yet and that’s more important.”

Kanan chuckled.

“You know, you are so much more than the street rat we picked up four years ago.”

“Hey, that’s entirely your fault,” Ezra protested. “I was doing just fine on my own.”

“And there he is,” said Kanan.

“Seriously though, thank you,” said Ezra.

“It was an honor,” said Kanan.

They stood and stared at each other for an awkward moment before Ezra sniffed and spoke.

“You know, I just got you back and now I’m losing you again.”

“Hey, I’m not the one who left this time,” Kanan pointed out.

“No, you just set a really bad example,” Ezra said.

“You got me there,” Kanan agreed. “But I’ll come back.”

“So will I,” said Ezra.

“This isn’t goodbye till then,” said Kanan. “I have a feeling Hera will see me as a very convenient messenger service.”

“Good,” said Ezra. “Thank you.”

“We’re having a baby, you know,” Kanan said suddenly, unsure why now was the best time to reveal that.

“What?” Ezra asked, grinning. “A baby! That’s amazing. How? Uh, I mean, why? Um, never mind. That’s really great, Kanan.”

“I think so,” said Kanan. “And I hope he grows up just like you.”

“Well, he’s got the right father for that,” said Ezra.

Ezra stepped forward and hugged Kanan who felt as solid as he had ever been when he was alive. It almost felt like he was hugging the Force itself, which was weird to think about.

“I’m always with you, Ezra,” he said.

“I know,” said Ezra, stepping back. “Now go be the best dad in the galaxy. Tell everyone I love them and for Hera not to worry.”

“Oh, that’s not gonna stop,” said Kanan. “But we trust you, we know you can do this and this is your decision and your path.”

“Thank you, master,” said Ezra, bowing slightly.

Kanan nodded back.

“Until next time,” he said.

***

Kanan did pay attention to how he made his way home in case it would help Ezra, but he knew it would still be a long trip. Besides, it wasn’t really something he could detail on a star chart. He was following the Force which didn’t always match physical landmarks. Still, he thought it would help Ezra come back sooner or allow them to collect him much sooner.

While he was finding his way back, his thoughts drifted to Ahsoka and thought it would be a good time for him to check up on her.

She was on Malachor as he had thought she would be. She was meditating in the Sith temple and Kanan was surprised to find that the place did not seem as dark to him as when he last saw it. He could feel the Force flowing through it, he could feel the Dark side as it was seeped into the planet itself, but he was not cold or afraid as he had been before. He wasn’t sure if that was because he was a part of the Force as a whole and knew the Dark side as a balance to the Light or if Ahsoka’s presence was making a difference.

Either way, it wasn’t nearly as traumatizing to return as he was sure it would have been if he had been alive.

Ahsoka did not open her eyes but spoke.

“How are you, Kanan?”

“Still dead,” he said. “I’m glad you made it out okay.”

“I was fortunate,” she replied. “Ezra has learned much since I last saw him.”

“We all have,” he said. “Even you have, I think.”

“Despite spending much of it alone,” she said. “I did not want to disrupt time and I sensed staying here was the best option until another sign reached me.”

“I hope I can be that sign for you,” he said.

“Yes, I believe you are,” Ahsoka said, finally opening her eyes and smiling. “I am glad to see you.”

“Me too,” he said. “Losing you on Malachor, well, it wasn’t good. It’s nice to know we didn’t really leave you behind.”

“Are those your words or Ezra’s words?” she asked.

Kanan shrugged.

“They say it’s hard not to take on the traits of your master,” he said.

Ahsoka winced slightly.

“Yes, I suppose it is,” she answered and then stood up. “I take it something has happened?”

“Well, a few things,” said Kanan and explained to her the events of the past month or so.

“There is a great shift coming,” Ahsoka said. “It’s about time.”

“I agree,” Kanan said. “But somehow it feels like our part is over, or at least it’s really changed.”

“Perhaps,” said Ahsoka. “Is that what the Force tells you?”

“Well, it’s easy to see how my part has changed,” said Kanan, gesturing to his ghostly appearance. “I can’t really influence the physical world the way I used to and I…” he stopped, thinking. “I don’t need to. I’m at peace now with my role in the physical world. I think if I tried to do more, I would just end up shifting the balance too much.”

“You are a very strange Jedi Knight, Kanan Jarrus,” Ahsoka said, inclining her head to him. “I think I see in you what could have been for my Master, for myself, for many others. Perhaps what the Jedi were meant to be. The Force led you here even in death and for that I’m glad.”

“I never thought of myself as an example for anybody,” he admitted. “Even after meeting Ezra, the idea of trying to lead was terrifying. I’m not sure what happened.”

“You opened yourself up to where the Force led and to possibilities and to love,” Ahsoka said somewhat sadly. “But you didn’t twist those connections or grasp the power of those possibilities and you didn’t let fear control your love. I’ve spent a long time thinking about these things and, well, that is my conclusion.”

“You’re probably right,” Kanan said, feeling odd about accepting her observations even as he felt the truth of them ring out in the Force. “You usually are.”

“Usually,” she said, winking at him. “Now, I believe you have a family to return to.”

“What about you?” he asked.

“I appreciate your concern,” she said. “But I was not stuck here; I have waited to leave this planet ‘til the right time. I believe I must keep a promise to Ezra.”

“I can help with that,” Kanan said and gave her his ideas about Ezra’s location.

“I think I need to do some scouting,” she said. “When the time comes for him to come home…”

“Take Sabine with you,” Kanan said, remembering Ezra’s message to her.

“I think I will,” said Ahsoka. “I will find you all once I know how to find him.”

“And if he lets me know anything different, I’ll let you know,” said Kanan.

“Thank you,” Ahsoka said. “Be well, Kanan.”

“I can’t get any better than this,” he said and laughed.

Now that his mind was settled regarding Ahsoka, he found returning to Hera to be the easiest thing in the world. He would explain his encounters, soothe their fears, and help them to understand that the Force knew what it was doing. Ezra and Ahsoka knew what they were doing. Kanan couldn’t hold on to them and keep them by his side. Sure, it helped he could see them whenever he wanted to now, but there were destinies at play here, he could feel it. The others wouldn’t, but their part was on the ground, in the everyday battle, and he would watch over them so the others could do what they had to do. Someday their family would be reunited, but the war was before them still.

***

Lothal settled into a state of weary watchfulness, but there was an undercurrent of pride and determination that Kanan could palpably feel. They knew they had won their planet, but they also knew it was likely the Empire would strike back at some point. They would be ready.

The crew of the Ghost were meeting to discuss that and their future plans.

“I don’t think we should just abandon Lothal,” Sabine pointed out. “As hard as they fight, they’re no match for the Empire.”

“Agreed,” said Hera, “but they’re not the only ones. Lothal is actually in a better state than a lot of places right now. We can be proud of that, but that doesn’t mean we can give up fighting ourselves.”

“I’m not saying we should,” argued Sabine. “But this isn’t just any planet, this is our planet. Ezra might be the only one from here, but this has become our home and now he’s not here to defend it anymore.”

“He’s coming back,” Kanan reminded her gently.

“Not the point,” said Sabine, but Kanan could sense she was somehow feeling directly responsible for Lothal until Ezra did come back.

“Lothal has its own governor back,” said Hera. “He can make the decisions about what will happen here.”

“Ryder’s good, but he’s got a bunch of civilians on his hands,” Zeb said.

“Civilians can be trained,” Kanan said.

“Until then we have to consider the needs of the rest of the galaxy,” Hera said. “Which brings me to my ultimate point. We’ve been called back to Yavin to help in the fight.”

“I’ve already left one home,” Sabine said, looking down. “I don’t want to leave another.”

“I would never ask you to,” said Hera gently. “That’s what this meeting is all about. Whether you feel the need to help Mandalore or Lothal or stay with us, that’s always your choice. You know we’ll support you.”

“Doesn’t mean I want to have to choose,” Sabine said, but she was smiling.

“Just like I would rather you didn’t have to either,” said Hera. “I’m already missing Ezra.”

“We all do,” said Kanan.

“Except you,” said Zeb. “You can see the kid whenever you want.”

“The perks of being dead, mate,” Kanan said, laughing.

“I wish you wouldn’t make quite so many dead jokes,” Hera said pointedly.

Kanan wasn’t sure if she was genuinely upset or not. With Hera it was hard to tell sometimes.

“Got it,” he said simply until he could figure it out.

“I have to report to Yavin,” said Hera. “Which means the Ghost, Chopper, and I’m assuming Kanan as well.”

“As if you had to ask,” muttered Zeb.

“Rex already went back,” said Hera. “Kallus told me he would like to stay here to help on Lothal. That just leaves you two.”

Zeb and Sabine looked at each other and it seemed like something unspoken happened between them. Kanan was proud at how well they worked together now. At the beginning they had clashed so much he’d despaired of them ever liking each other. But it was almost like Zeb was looking for assurances from Sabine that she would be okay.

“I’m going to stay here,” said Sabine. “Ezra’s counting on me to protect his people. Until Ahsoka lets us know where to go to find him, I’m going to stay. But if you need anything, let me know.”

“Of course and the same with you,” said Hera.

“I’m coming with ya,” said Zeb. “I’m not much good at waiting around. I’d rather have something to fight.”

“Then I guess we’re saying goodbye again,” said Hera.

“For now,” Kanan said.

“For now,” she echoed.

“Go and win the war for me,” said Sabine.

“Just for you?” said Kanan. “What about all the other people in the galaxy, huh?”

Sabine rolled her eyes and probably would have shoved him if she could have. There were bonuses to being ghost-like most of the time.

***

There were a few days of packing and organizing and scheduling and making sure Sabine and Kallus had everything they needed.

Kanan watched Sabine’s bright head of hair as they took off and flew into the orbit of Lothal, no longer cluttered with a blockade of Destroyers.

It was a fairly short trip to Yavin and when they got there, Rex was waiting to meet them.

“Glad you could make it,” he said. “Senator Organa and the others are in the war room. They’d like a report on Lothal once you’re settled.”

“Of course,” said Hera. 

She stood and straightened and Kanan watched her as inconspicuously as possible. She was still very early in her pregnancy but he knew she was feeling the effects of it and he was anxious for her to get checked out. He knew she wouldn’t appreciate too much hovering, but he was determined to do it as much as she would let him.

The debrief went well and everyone agreed to Lothal’s plan to self-manage until the Empire came for them and Kanan kept his mouth shut to avoid making Hera and Zeb look crazy in front of everyone. They weren’t planning on making it widespread that he was still around. It would be too much for most people to handle. They’d privately tell the leadership, but not in the busy war room. Hera would have to report her pregnancy soon anyway.

Rex walked them out.

“Kanan still around?” he asked Hera.

“Yes,” she said wryly. “He’s right here.”

“I’ve been through a lot of weird stuff with Jedi,” said Rex, “but that one’s still hard for me to wrap my head around.”

Kanan grinned. He’d been waiting for this moment ever since he’d returned to his family and found Rex already gone.

“Tell him it’s about to get a lot weirder,” Kanan said. “I think now’s a good time to tell him about Ahsoka.”

Hera smiled.

“Well, I’ve got something else for you to believe,” she said. “I’ve got some news about Ahsoka.”

Kanan followed them down the hallway, smirking and interjecting comments.

***

Hera sat on the edge of the table, gripping the sides of it tightly. Kanan watched her, half caught between concern and amusement.

“You have to promise to keep quiet,” Hera said for the third time.

“I’m not going to make you look crazy, Hera,” Kanan said, rather patiently he thought. “It would be a bit unproductive to have the medical droids spreading rumors about your sanity, don’t you think?”

“You’re just very irritating and hard to ignore,” she muttered.

He did laugh at that and didn’t even quail when she glared at him.

“It’s going to be okay,” he said, then switched from amused to concerned. “We really need to have you checked out though, after what Pryce did.”

“I’m okay,” Hera said confidently.

“I’d rather hear that from someone who didn’t once try to convince me her broken foot was only a bruise,” he said pointedly.

Hera glared at him again and resumed her clenching of the table.

“Hello, I am B6-385,” said the medical droid, entering the room. “We are looking at a hybrid pregnancy of a Twi’lek and human, correct?”

“Yes,” Hera answered.

“Do you know the date of conception?” the droid asked.

Kanan had wondered about that himself.

“Likely more than a month,” Hera said.

Ahh, Kanan remembered then and he smirked quietly to himself. Hera still caught it and glared in his general direction.

“And the father is deceased?” continued the droid, unperturbed by the glaring.

“Yes,” Hera said uncomfortably.

“Any other concerns?”

Kanan nodded before he could help himself.

“I was held prisoner for a few days several weeks ago,” Hera said. “There was a mind probe used and electrocution,” she ended in a rush. “Plus, right before that I had my ship shot down.”

“We will check for trauma in both you and your baby,” B6-385 said. “Please lie back and I will begin the examination.”

Hera complied and Kanan tried to be patient as they went through the appointment and she answered all the questions and got poked and prodded and scanned.

“Is that everything?” Hera finally asked after they’d been there for what seemed to be a ridiculous amount of time.

“You are finished,” said the droid. “You may get dressed and I will have the results of all tests within a few hours and then you may ask questions. In the meantime, I can tell you the baby is progressing at a healthy rate considering its hybrid status. It does not appear any permanent damage was done to either you or the child during your capture. Here is the holo of your child for you to review.”

The droid left and Hera exchanged an exhausted glance with Kanan. He mentally prepared himself and moved to sit down next to her, rubbing a hand on her back. 

“I’m glad you’re both okay,” he said.

“Me too,” Hera said. “It’s nice to know we didn’t screw up our baby’s future before we even knew he existed.”

“I’d say that’s a bonus,” Kanan agreed. “Shall we take a look?”

“I’m a little nervous,” Hera admitted.

“I know,” he said. “But I’m excited.”

“Good,” she said and activated the holo.

A tiny figure sprang to life before their eyes and Kanan was slightly overwhelmed at how something so incomplete could be so real. There was only the slightest formations of a humanoid shape and Kanan couldn’t tell if the baby would have more Twi’lek or human features. Either way, he was just glad the baby was there at all.

“That’s disappointing,” Hera said after a moment. “I want to see more!” Kanan laughed and she swatted his shoulder, but her hand passed through it. “I’m serious.”

“You’re already calling our child a disappointment?” he teased after he could speak again.

“Of course not,” she answered. “I’m just anxious to see more and it will be a while before that happens.”

“There’s a ways to go,” Kanan said. “We’ll be able to enjoy every step along the way.”

“Unless I’m in a fire fight,” Hera said and Kanan didn’t like the reminder that Hera could still be hurt.

“Let’s just focus on the positive,” Kanan said firmly. “You both are healthy.”

“We both are healthy,” said Hera.

“And you’re not doing this alone,” he said, running a finger down one of her lekku.

“I guess you’ll be a bit helpful,” she said, smiling at him before standing and pulling her jumpsuit back up.

“We need to find out when you’re due,” he said.

“I don’t know what the difference is between a Twi’lek and human gestation period,” Hera said.

“I can inform you,” B6-385 said as it came back into the room. “Combined genetics equal a likelihood of a twelve month pregnancy.”

Kanan stared at it while Hera looked a bit faint.

“I’m not happy with you,” Hera said, looking at Kanan.

“It is not my fault,” the droid answered her and Kanan couldn’t help laughing again.

It was going to be a long year but he was sure it would be worth it and he was planning on being there for her as much as he could be considering his physicality and the current state of the galaxy.

***

Kanan wasn’t sleeping, he didn’t really have that option, but he was lying down, arm wrapped around Hera, who was sleeping fitfully. At this point in her pregnancy she was so large no position was comfortable and she often got up. It didn’t help that her life was so transitory, flying from system to system, transporting goods, delivering messages. 

It wasn’t exactly the work they had become used to in the Rebellion, but neither Hera nor Kanan were going to risk their baby to anything more dangerous. Of course, they still wanted to help and this was how they could. The leadership had been willing to take Hera’s skills any way they could get them and were appreciative of how hard this would be for Hera. Kanan’s status as deceased was well known to all and even though Mon Mothma and Bail Organa were well aware of Kanan’s existence in the Force, it was hard to tell if they believed it or not. Even though he was there, he couldn’t do a lot besides listen to her when she needed to vent or go check on the other members of their family when she worried about them.

Ezra was still traveling, Sabine still helping on Lothal, and Zeb was often away on missions with other teams since he could more actively help. If Kanan hadn’t been there it would have meant she would have had only Chopper with her on many of her runs. While Kanan knew Chopper would do everything he could to help Hera if something happened, grumbling all the way, there were limits to what a droid could do in the event of an emergency. Granted, there were limits to what Kanan could do now as well.

He had spent the past year trying to figure out what exactly that was. The Force was an immense presence and he knew he could spend an eternity trying to figure it out. But what he was mainly interested in was how to ground himself. Simply meditating in the Force wasn’t the answer. He’d found that out during the first couple of months. When he did, he had the tendency to scatter himself into the Force and that wasn’t a bad thing, but it defeated the purpose of trying to keep himself as close to a physical existence as possible. He needed to be close to those living in the Force.

It took willpower and a certain willingness to be vulnerable, but that was what he was learning to be. He could never be a flesh and blood creature again, and he wasn’t even sure he wanted to be. He couldn’t feel things the same way, but he could interact with the physical world and that was what he wanted since it was what Hera needed. He didn’t want to let her down by not being as active in their lives as he would have been had he been alive. If he wanted to be solid enough to touch, he had to concentrate on being such and it was extremely hard, especially at first. But the more he did so, the more skillful he became. Yet he knew it would never be something he could just have, it would always be an effort. An effort he was committed to.

There were many things happening as Kanan learned both from the Force and from listening when others didn’t know he was there. Not that he was in the habit of eavesdropping, but he couldn’t help it if others couldn’t see him. The leaders of the Rebellion were worried and there was too much bickering from the different cells coming together. It was part of why he hadn’t wanted to become so involved in the first place. He’d seen how hard it was for a fully developed Republic to make anything happen and the larger the Rebellion grew, the more similarities he saw.

But for right now, he was at peace, even if Hera squirmed and tossed fitfully next to him. He didn’t really have to worry about being hit in the face anymore though, that was a plus.

“I’m awake again,” she said at one point and he was glad that she could say so with confidence, knowing he was going to be there even if he wasn’t a physical presence.

“I’m sorry,” he offered. “How’s he doing in there?”

“He’s perfectly happy,” said Hera ruefully. “I just wish I was.”

“I’d offer to get you something but I’m done trying that route,” he said calmly.

She huffed a laugh into the darkness.

“I know I’m being a little particular,” she answered.

“Oh, is that what they call it?” he teased.

“You’re lucky you’re…” she said and then trailed off.

“What?” he asked, frowning.

“Nothing,” she said. “But I wouldn’t mind if you had to carry this baby for a bit.”

“I would,” he said.

“Yet here we are,” she said. “I just can’t do anything and it’s very frustrating. When I got called to the war room yesterday it was for advice, consultation.”

“Which you’re very good at,” he offered.

“I feel bad about this Jyn girl,” Hera said. “She’s not wrong about needing to make strong choices.”

“I agree,” he said. “But we’re not in charge.”

“General or not, I’m nowhere close to being in charge these days,” she said.

“Is that such a bad thing?” he asked and she didn’t reply.

“What does it say about me,” she began after a minute, “that I miss the actual fight?”

“That your passion is to see this galaxy free and you want to be as big a part of it as you can be,” he answered.

“What if it just means that I’ve lived in war my whole life and I don’t know how to do anything else?” she asked quietly.

Kanan paused, feeling his way into the answer rather than overthinking it.

“We both know that’s not true,” he said. “No one is more devoted than you, but you’re also the one who makes sure we all take the time to appreciate the things that matter. Do you get a bit narrow minded at times? I have to say yes. But never so much you don’t come back with a good solution. There’s no one I’d rather fight with.”

“I’m telling Zeb you said that,” she said lightly, but there was gratitude laden underneath.

“He won’t be exactly surprised,” he said.

“Thank you,” she said. “I needed to hear that.”

“Anytime,” he said as sirens started to wail over their heads.

They looked at each other in resignation and he waited while she got her gear and boots on.

It turned out to be a call for ships and pilots since Jyn Erso had commandeered the Imperial shuttle that was captured and taken it along with a small group to Scarif. They had information and needed to get it to the Rebellion.

“I’m going,” Hera said, looking at Kanan after Mon Mothma finished speaking.

“We’re going,” he corrected.

They hurried along the halls of the temple to where the Ghost was waiting outside.

Zeb caught up with them at the ramp as Chopper came out to meet them.

“You weren’t thinking of going without me?” he demanded.

“We didn’t know you were here,” said Hera. “Of course we want you to come.”

“Then let’s go,” said Zeb.

Chopper rattled something sarcastic regarding fur and Kanan laughed. He couldn’t help but be a bit worried about Hera and the baby going into such a big fight, but it was nice being a part of the fight again.

***

It was a little bit like the old days, Kanan thought as Hera ducked and weaved her way through the fighting. She was moving slower than normal; that much was unavoidable since she had so much more to move, but she could still fly. With Zeb in the turret gun and Chopper helping out in the nose, it meant they could cause damage as well as evade it. 

Kanan could sense other things, though: something important was happening down on the surface. The call eventually came for evacuation and Kanan was grateful, but before they did he felt a chill spread through the Force. He knew that sense of cold, had faced it more times than he’d ever wanted to, and had been lucky to escape with his life. Vader was here, somewhere in this battle, and Kanan couldn’t bear the thought of him finding the Ghost and exacting revenge on his family when Kanan would no longer be able to even try to defend them. 

“Hera, jump now,” he gritted out urgently and she looked at him in surprise before doing as he asked and he didn’t relax until the stars receded into the blue white of hyperspace.

“What’s the matter?” she asked.

“Vader,” he said simply. “Vader was there.”

“That can’t be good,” she said. “The other ships…”

“Got the same call to jump,” Kanan reminded her gently. “Everyone who came knew the risk they were taking, including us.”

“I have an advantage,” she said weakly, putting one hand on her swollen abdomen.

“We got the plans, right?” Zeb asked, entering the room. “Wouldn’t want to have gone through that for nothing.”

“As far as we know,” Hera answered. “But we were all lucky to escape because Vader was there.”

“Karabast,” Zeb said, wide-eyed. “I thought we’d seen the last of him.”

“No such luck,” said Kanan.

“I think,” Hera said, a strange look on her face, “I should lie down.”

“Are you okay?” Kanan asked, anxiously feeling the Force within her.

“Just a bit tired,” she said. “I guess space battles probably aren’t the best idea when I’m this big. He’s clearly excited in there.”

Since nothing seemed out of the ordinary Kanan didn’t argue but was glad she’d volunteered to rest. Contrary to a lot of whispered conversation he’d overheard around the base, Hera wasn’t the type to insist she keep on doing exactly what she had been doing though she was pregnant. She wasn’t the type to act like she couldn’t do anything either, but he knew a lot of people had been surprised when she’d given up active duty. He guessed they were surprised because she was normally at the center of everything. As she should be, in his opinion. But in this instance, he was all for some caution.

“She okay?” Zeb asked, clearly uneasy.

“I’m sure she’s fine,” Kanan assured him. “I’ll be glad when we get back to the base though.”

“I’m scheduled to leave again right away,” Zeb said, scratching his head. “I can try and stay if you think I should.”

“We wouldn’t want to deprive another team of your services,” Kanan said lightly.

“Right,” Zeb said and slapped Kanan on the back, or at least, he tried.

Instead he fell forward with momentum and almost hit his head on the console. 

Kanan laughed harder than he probably should have, but it wasn’t the first time that that had happened and he doubted it would be the last.

***

Hera went into labor soon after they got back to Yavin. Zeb had left, so Kanan sent Chopper to the med bay to prepare for their coming. At least he would have if Hera hadn’t started groaning and Chopper hadn’t immediately wheeled out of the room, waving his metal arms over his head and screeching about babies. It wasn’t like Chopper could see him or hear him anyway, the droid was still flatly ridiculing all of the others for believing Kanan was still around. In fact, sometimes Kanan caught Chopper in his room on the Ghost, just sitting there and making sad noises. It was unfortunate, but it couldn’t be helped.

But at least Chopper’s panic would serve to alert someone Hera was having the baby.

“You do know this is going to take a while, right?” Hera managed to say while Kanan rushed around the room, attempting to collect things and failing half the time because he couldn’t ground himself.

“Yes,” he said. “I am very well aware. I took all the same classes you did.”

“Then will you calm down?” she asked.

Kanan had to appreciate the irony of the statement. 

“I can try,” he said.

He stopped moving, let all physical thoughts flee his self and released his worry and panic into the Force. Everything became less of a hurry and he instead dwelt on the miracle of life, the path of the Force just forming anew in the figure of his son.

“Kanan?” Hera asked, her voice now panicked.

He realized he had gone too far and she was unable to sense him.

“Sorry, I’m here,” he said. “I just needed a moment.”

“I think you can do that later,” she said. “That contraction is over, but more will come. I’d rather relocate while not having one.”

“Might take your mind off it,” he offered as a medical droid signaled its presence with an anti-grav bed.

“Very funny,” she said, getting on the bed.

He went with her and then spent the next many hours waiting. It wasn’t like he could really get in the way, but somehow he felt like he was constantly stepping back from droids before they went through him. Time wasn’t necessarily something that constrained him anymore, but he could swear he felt every second.

Hera was the one doing all of the work, but it seemed to involve a lot of frenzied activity and then long periods of nothing.

There seemed to be more hustle and bustle about the base as well and Kanan was unsure what was happening. Perhaps it was the aftermath of the battle at Scarif or planning what to do with the acquired plans. Kanan heard rumors that something had gone wrong, but he wasn’t sure.

At one point in the wait Kanan was standing by Hera and they were quietly talking during a moment of peace and she reached out for his hand. He made himself solid and then suddenly rocked forward with pain as the Force slammed into him with loss.

“No,” he cried out, unable to keep from expressing that pain.

“Kanan?” Hera asked, her voice sharp.

There was so much terror flooding through the Force followed by abrupt silence and Kanan was bewildered and horrified.

“I don’t know,” he said, answering what she hadn’t asked. “Something’s happened, but I don’t know what it is.”

“Do you need to check?” she asked.

“No, no,” he said, slowly getting his equilibrium back. “I can’t do anything, not without really leaving and I’m not going to do that.”

“It could be another day, you know,” she said.

“I will not leave you,” he said firmly.

She smiled and gripped his hand a little tighter.

“But you need to soon,” she said. “What if it was Ezra?”

“This is bigger than Ezra,” he said, trying to smile.

“I’m sure you’re right,” she said, but he could see worry in her eyes.

“You concentrate on what you’re doing,” he said. “It’s important.”

“Oh really? I wasn’t aware,” she said dryly and he had to smile.

Then there was more waiting and Kanan tried to make sense of what he’d felt. But he couldn’t really find out without leaving Hera and that was something he wasn’t willing to do at this point. All he knew was that something terrible had happened.

Hera went through more bouts of contractions and waiting and Kanan went through them all with her. The contractions came more often and the droids talked medical terms Kanan didn’t understand. 

At last there was a crackle of sound and then an announcement echoed overhead that didn’t help Kanan feel any better.

He looked at Hera with horror and his feelings were reflected in her face. She was breathing hard and looked exhausted, but now the Empire was coming for the base and it was bringing its secret weapon with it. One that Kanan suddenly understood was the source of his previous pain. 

“They’re scrambling fighters to destroy it using the plans,” Hera said, gritting her teeth. “I should be out there.”

“Really?” he asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Well, as much as I’m going to love this child, yes,” Hera snapped. “I’m a pilot and I belong in the air when I go out.”

“Could we not say things like that?” he pleaded.

“Kanan, they can’t do a full evacuation,” Hera said, “and I’m in no shape to go anywhere.”

“Just concentrate on getting him born,” Kanan said. “We’ll worry about escape later.”

“Easy for you to say,” she muttered as another contraction hit her.

It would be easy for him to escape; he was already dead. What wouldn’t be easy for him would be saving his fully physical family. 

He wouldn’t panic though. He grounded his sense of self next to Hera, to be there for her, but he reached out with his senses and tried to feel the impending doom coming.

There was something…something out there that wasn’t the cold spot of fear he knew was Vader’s presence. It was a sense he sometimes got from Ezra, a bright potential, an awkward impetuous desire. Whatever it was, it made him feel calm and reassured. The Force was moving, things were progressing towards something better. Kanan felt hope flood through him, even as the announcements kept coming about how close the Death Star was getting to the base.

“Kanan,” Hera yelled at one point, and he released all sense of the outside battle to focus on what was happening here.

“I’m here,” he said.

“It is time for you to push,” the droids said. “Breathe and push.”

Hera did and before Kanan knew it, there was a powerful pulse of life in the Force and his son was born.

He couldn’t stop smiling. There was a tiny humanoid creature lying in Hera’s arms. Tiny wisps of green hair were on his head and freckles of green pattered his skin, particularly his ears. That was his son and he was alive and well.

“You did it,” Kanan whispered after the droids left them alone.

“He’s beautiful,” Hera said, holding him snugly against her. “I am glad I don’t ever have to go through that again, but I’m so happy he’s here.”

“Do you think he looks like our Jacen?” Kanan asked, ghosting a hand over his son’s head.

“He’s most definitely our Jacen,” Hera said, closing her eyes in weariness. “I don’t want to move, but I want to keep holding him.”

“We should figure out-” Kanan said, before stopping as another feeling from the Force interrupted him. 

It also involved massive loss of life, but this time he knew what it was even without the voices of celebration echoing in the base. The Death Star was destroyed. That same hope returned to him as he looked down at Hera and Jacen.

“Looks like we won,” Hera said.

“We did,” Kanan said. “Now you don’t have to move, for a bit anyway.”

“Good,” Hera said, adjusting Jacen. “That’s good.”

They would have to vacate the base soon, now that the Empire knew where it was, but a proper evacuation could start and Kanan could rest easy, knowing his family had grown successfully.

He bent down and kissed his son’s head, climbing into bed beside Hera and Jacen. For right now, this was all that was needed.

***

Kanan moved easily through the tunnels before entering his and Hera’s room. Well, Hera’s room. It wasn’t like most people in the Rebellion knew he still existed. It was one of the nicer accommodations to be found on Hoth and the reason was because Hera had a young child with her. The cold didn’t bother Kanan, but he was very glad for Hera and Jacen that there was as much warmth as could be found on Hoth in their room. Hera was always freezing as it was.

“Hello,” she said, looking up from where she and Jacen were playing on a rug on the floor.

“How are my two favorite people?” he asked, smiling.

“We are cold, very cold,” Hera said.

“Sorry,” he said. “I wish I could help with that.”

Even when he was solid to the touch, he didn’t produce any kind of body heat, which might have been useful on a desert planet, but not on Hoth.

“I just might never forgive you,” she teased. “So what’s going on in the base today?”

“It’s almost all done,” Kanan replied. “Oh, and you missed another truly spectacular hallway argument.”

Hera’s face fell.

“That’s the second one,” she complained. “You need to pop in and tell me, love.”

“They’re usually over much faster than you can get there,” he pointed out. “It’s not like they want to be arguing in front of the whole base, they just get too heated up to notice.”

“It’s amazing,” Hera said. “I’ve never seen two people more in denial.”

“She’s a princess, he’s a smuggler,” Kanan said, shrugging. “They’re literally worlds apart.”

“Stuck together on one world,” said Hera. “In the middle of a war.”

“Sometimes it takes people a long time to admit how they feel,” Kanan said pointedly.

“Was that meant for me, Spectre One?” she asked.

“You’re the only one here who can talk back,” he said, sitting down next to them on the floor and ruffling Jacen’s tufts of hair.

His son squealed with delight and babbled something that sounded like ‘ada.’

“Jacen can talk,” Hera said proudly. “He just called you dadda.”

“Oh, is that what that was?” Kanan asked. “Yes, Jacen, it’s your dadda.”

Jacen attached his arms to Kanan’s leg and Kanan concentrated especially hard to keep from dematerializing and letting his son fall flat.

“Any idea about what’s going to happen next for us?” Hera asked.

“Skywalker went out to check the sensors earlier, they’ll have a better idea then,” said Kanan.

“Did you try to talk to him again?” Hera asked curiously.

It hadn’t taken Kanan long to realize there was something unusual about Luke Skywalker. Whether it was the fact he’d made an impossible shot without his targeting computer and survived Vader, or his last name, or his own story of meeting Obi Wan Kenobi and wielding a light saber, Kanan knew that Luke was a Jedi, or at least on his way to becoming one. The entire Rebellion viewed him with something of awe. Kanan remembered that feeling and how uncomfortable it had made him. It made him glad people couldn’t see him anymore. 

On the other hand, it made it harder to help someone like Luke, who was so new in the ways of the Force and who, for some reason, Kanan was blocked from reaching. He wasn’t sure why that was, though he had meditated on it for long months. The Force clearly had a special path for Luke and so Kanan didn’t try to break his way through, just like he didn’t try to manipulate Ezra’s path home for him. Sometimes it was hard waiting for the Force to reveal itself, but Kanan was in a unique position to be able to wait.

“No,” Kanan said. “He can’t hear me. It’s not like with Leia where I can tell she just isn’t aware of how much the Force is with her, Luke knows. There’s just something that the Force has in place to keep him from me. There’s a different teacher out there for him.”

“You already have students,” Hera reminded him. “Ezra will be back and Jacen will grow up.”

“I don’t know if Ezra will need me anymore,” Kanan said proudly. “Last time I spoke to him, he was…he was amazing, Hera. I can’t believe how much that kid has grown.”

“I miss him so much,” said Hera softly. “He’s missing Jacen growing up.”

“We’re all missing a lot of things,” Kanan said. “That’s just life.”

“I’m worried about Sabine,” Hera said, shifting the topic to one of their other missing children. “I don’t understand why she’s isolating herself when she knows Ezra will be coming back.”

“She’s not isolating herself,” said Kanan. “She goes to Mandalore all the time to help her family.”

“But not to see us,” said Hera wistfully.

“Maybe because you ask me to go see her all the time,” said Kanan gently. “Besides, I think she deserves some space to be a protector and not a rebel.” He paused and then continued in a lighter tone. “She’s also revolutionizing Lothal; I predict the planet will be one of the main centers for art and culture when this war is over.”

“It deserves to be,” said Hera, and Kanan leaned closer to kiss her cheek.

“Sabine did tell me she’d be happy to watch Jacen if things get too rough,” Kanan said.

“Why didn’t you say anything before?” Hera asked, frowning.

“Waiting for the right moment,” Kanan said, shrugging. “Now that we have a home base again, it didn’t seem like we needed to think about it. But if that ever changes…”

“I hate the idea of being away from him,” Hera admitted. “My own father…”

“I know,” Kanan said.

“But firefights on the Ghost are hardly the right way to bring him up either,” she said.

“Agreed.”

“I think you’re right,” Hera said after a minute or two. “We’ll see how Hoth plays out and if we need to send Jacen to Sabine, we will.”

“We’ll just see what lies in store for us,” he said easily.

“We live in hope,” Hera said.

***

Kanan leaned against the wall behind Hera as she finished giving out assignments to her group. He was proud of how much responsibility she’d been given. This latest attack was going to be the Rebellion’s greatest offensive yet and he knew she would be a huge part of that. It was just too bad that Zeb was running missions elsewhere and couldn’t be a part of it.

“General,” came a voice from behind them and Kanan turned to see Rex coming up.

Hera turned and smiled.

“How are you?” she asked warmly.

“I’m good, glad to see you.” Rex paused and turned in the general right direction. “And you too, sir.”

“Can you see him?” Hera asked curiously.

“It’s like the faintest of glimpses out of the corner of my eye,” Rex said. “But that’s all right. Anything more than that and I’ll have to doubt my own sanity more than I already do.”

Kanan just laughed.

“Well, you certainly amused him,” Hera told Rex. “I hear you’re not joining the Ghost; I must admit I’m a little jealous.”

“I do better on the ground,” Rex said firmly. “But I am sorry to miss flying with you.”

“Good luck,” Hera said. “We’ll catch up afterwards?”

“You can count on it,” Rex said and then saluted pretty accurately to where Kanan was standing.

“He just keeps going,” Kanan remarked, saluting back even as he watched him go.

Before Hera could respond something pinged Kanan’s senses and he stiffened when he heard a familiar voice.

“Captain Syndulla, what a genuine pleasure it is to see you.”

Hera turned to see Lando Calrissian behind her. 

“Lando,” she acknowledged. “It’s General now.”

“My deepest apologies,” Lando said, bowing his head. “General Syndulla, a richly deserved promotion I’m sure.”

“Yeah, I’m sure,” Kanan scoffed.

“It is,” Hera said, more for his benefit than Lando’s, Kanan knew.

“You know I didn’t mean it like that,” Kanan said.

“I certainly didn’t expect our paths to cross like this again,” said Lando. “Generals together in this fight.”

“I’m surprised to see you taking a side at all,” Hera said, crossing her arms.

“Well,” Lando said, shifting slightly, but maintaining his charm, “the Empire has a way of altering deals I don’t like. A businessman such as myself could hardly stand for such things.”

“Of course not,” said Hera. “And so you’re leading the charge, are you?”

“I think I had a few friends who paved the way,” Lando said in a rare show of modesty, nodding to where Han and Leia were talking with Luke.

“It certainly pays to have friends,” Hera agreed.

“Speaking of, I’m afraid I don’t see your…friend,” Lando said. “Don’t tell me he’s not with you anymore. That would be such a shame.”

Kanan rolled his eyes.

“I’m afraid Kanan…is no longer living,” Hera said delicately. 

It was always a struggle as to what to say when people asked about him. Kanan was just glad he didn’t have to do the explaining.

“My condolences,” said Lando.

“He looks real sorry,” Kanan said.

Hera’s lips tightened and she put her hand up to adjust her goggles, sending him a glare under the cover of the action.

“He sacrificed himself for our family,” Hera said.

“Family?” Lando asked. “Not just your other crewmates?”

“Our son,” Hera said pointedly.

Lando’s eyebrows rose and Kanan felt a smug sense of satisfaction he couldn’t help. One would think he’d be above such things now, but he was going to blame it on being so close to the living.

“A son? That must be such a comfort to you.”

“He’s very important to me,” Hera said.

“But of course. I would love to meet him sometime.”

“He’s on Lothal at the moment,” Hera said. “After we left Hoth we decided it was too dangerous to keep him with us. Sabine is taking care of him.”

“Ah, Sabine. How is our art prodigy these days?” Lando asked, as if relieved to bring the conversation back to less personal ground.

“She’s doing well,” said Hera. “I’ll be sure to tell her you said hello.”

Kanan knew that dismissive tone intimately. Apparently Lando was fairly good at reading voices as well because he immediately bowed and took Hera’s hand where it was by her side and kissed it.

“Until we meet after the battle, General Syndulla. Good hunting.”

“You too,” Hera said, sounding somewhat amused.

She looked pointedly at Kanan when Lando was gone and he uncrossed his arms but still felt defensive.

“What?” he asked.

“Really?” she replied.

“What, I don’t like the guy!” he protested. “Never have, never will. Part of the Rebellion or not.”

“Maybe you could keep such opinions to yourself when we’re out in public,” she suggested.

“Fine,” he huffed and she laughed.

***

Fireworks were still lighting up the sky, the firelight was casting dancing shadows, augmented by the many dancing bodies. Kanan glanced around, a deep sense of contentment filling him. Hera and Rex were sitting beside the fire, Hera on the comm with Zeb, who was on his way to join them.

The Ewoks were a flurry of energy and excitement, music and their own speech the primary noises to be heard from them as they bustled around like small teddy bears, weaving their way through the myriad other species inhabiting their treetop homes.

The battle of Endor was over and the latest Death Star destroyed, and more significantly, the Emperor himself was destroyed. Kanan could hardly believe it. They had been working toward this moment for so long. Now that it was here, he didn’t quite know what to do.

Of course, it wasn’t over just yet. There would be months of cleanup ahead of them and then figuring out a new galaxy system of order. There were prisoners to consider and worlds still held by Imperial forces, not to mention the heavy emotional toll they would all now be dealing with. War was never pretty and it was never won without a cost.

But this night…they had earned this night of celebration and Kanan refused to think about the days to come, except with the hope they brought a better future.

He sensed that was what was coming. The Force felt at peace as it hadn’t ever since he’d known it. Even as a boy he remembered asking his Master why the Force felt so hard to understand. She’d answered him with a sad look on her face that she didn’t know. He’d never wanted to question it after that. When Order 66 happened and he’d forsaken the ways of the Jedi, he’d almost forgotten that heavy feeling the Force sometimes had.

Of course, once he’d started trying to teach Ezra he’d had to open himself back up to it. It had been like a heavy blanket over his soul, but gradually he’d learned how to cover himself with the warmth instead of being suffocated with it. But there were still times when the Force felt like too much to bear and it had continued even after his death, somehow more augmented by his full exposure to the Force. But now the Force felt balanced, felt whole, felt light. It was incredibly freeing and Kanan wondered that he didn’t split into a million particles and disperse into that wonderful feeling.

He knew why he didn’t; his family was here and he would not do that until they were gone. He was patient and he had all the time there was. He could wait to surrender himself to that adventure in the Force. He had another one here to pursue and now that the Force itself was no longer corrupted by the influence of Palpatine, it would be a sweet pursuit.

For Kanan was sure that was what had happened. From his own experience, to Ahsoka’s tales, to his knowledge of Vader’s original self, to his own freedom in the Force, Kanan had probably a much clearer idea of the machinations of the Emperor and the fall of the Republic than most. He could only be happy now that the man who had murdered his master and almost everyone he’d known was also dead.

Kanan watched the happiness and relief of the people around him. He paused when he saw Luke standing off by himself and wandered closer. He was pleasantly surprised to see him observing the Force signatures of Master Yoda, Master Kenobi, and Master Skywalker. Kanan didn’t feel quite as concerned for Luke’s future as a Jedi, he clearly had his own path, as Kanan had foreseen. When Leia joined Luke and brought him back to Han and his friends, Kanan remained. 

He wasn’t surprised to find them looking directly at him. Kenobi nodded to him and Yoda tilted his stick in acknowledgement. Lastly, Kanan looked to Skywalker who at first looked slightly ashamed but then flashed him a wicked grin. Kanan felt a grin spreading over his face in response. He bowed deeply to his Masters.

He could feel them in the Force now that they had all joined him in death. He could feel the Force humming with the positive energy their shared experience and knowledge brought it. But there was more, more than just them. There was always more to the Force and Kanan felt like he was missing some small part of it because he’d clung so closely to life and the physical.

“Caleb,” came a familiar voice from behind him and Kanan froze slightly.

He turned to see his master behind him. Not just her, but many familiar faces, the Jedi forced into death by the Purge, his friends at the Academy, the Masters of the Council, those who were of the Force and were now passed into a different journey. They were all here. Perhaps the Force had called them all to observe this momentous moment in the galaxy. Kanan didn’t know exactly, but he suddenly felt whole as he had never felt since Order 66.

“Master,” he breathed out, anxious and yet extremely happy.

“I’m glad to see you put your many questions to good use,” she said warmly. “Well done, Caleb.”

“Thank you,” he said, communicating verbally suddenly very hard. “I’m sorry…you know, about before.”

“You did as I instructed,” Depa reminded him gently. “That is what a good padawan does.”

“But I lost my way,” he said. “I ran too far.”

“You found it again,” she said. “That is what is important. I am very proud of you.”

“I…I’m glad,” he finally answered.

Words were wholly inadequate, but luckily that wasn’t really required in death. He understood her and she him and that was what mattered. He glanced around at the sea of blue surrounding the forests of Endor, a visual embodiment of the power of the Force. He was overwhelmed at the intricacies of the Force and how it wound its way through all life and death.

“Kanan!” Hera called and she came up behind him. “What are you looking at?”

He looked to Depa who inclined her head to him. 

“Go and be well, Caleb,” she said.

Gradually the brightness of the Force signatures faded until he felt only himself as an individual entity. Yet he did not feel alone.

“I don’t know if you’d believe me,” he said, turning to Hera and putting an arm around her shoulders.

It was easier than ever to make himself solid for her.

“I do live a pretty unbelievable life myself,” she said.

“That’s true,” he said. “I saw…my past. Also my future, if that makes sense.”

“About as much as you ever do,” she teased. “Are you okay, love?”

“I’m better than I’ve ever been,” he said with complete honesty.

“Good,” she said. “Because Sabine is on her way here to bring Jacen to us and then don’t you think it’s time you sent her and Ahsoka after Ezra?”

Kanan tilted his head and then nodded.

“Yeah, yeah, I think so. I’ll ask them, but I think so.”

“Because Zeb is already almost here and after that we’ll finally have our whole family together again,” Hera said, her eyes shining. “Together and free.”

“So do you know now what you want to do?” he asked her, referring back to their conversation so long ago.

“I think so,” she said. “And you?”

Kanan didn’t have to think about it. He’d known for a long time that she was his path. They might be walking it together a little unconventionally, but his path was bright as long as it was with her. After that, it would be up to the Force.

“I’d like to live,” he said, pressing a kiss to her forehead.


End file.
